where’s my kettle corn???

Did I get in the line for the mega-gigantor vomit inducing power coaster? How did I end up on this ride instead of the gently rolling caterpillar coaster from the little tyke section? Whatever turn I took can I have my time machine now and un-take it? At least give me some Dramamine!

In the week since I’ve taken possession (a debatable term) of my place, I’ve had more ups and downs than I would ever sign up for. I literally had an anxiety attack walking in the door. No bueno.

‘You’re being too loud with your opening and closing the door. ‘
uumm, how do you suggest I enter and exit? Shimmy out the bathroom window???‘

‘We agreed that there wouldn’t be any “entertaining” here.’
uuummm I can’t exactly have a party in a studio and there’s no fucking kitchen! How do you think I’d entertain?? Oh, you define “entertain” as having someone – one over. a-no… this is completely unacceptable. Did you forget the part where I’m giving you (person of no relation to me) money (a lot of it) for this space ? Did it conveniently escape your grasp that you are not my mother and, with the exception of expecting the noise level to be taken down by 10pm, you can’t impose your lifestyle rules on me.

This is but a bump from my ride. I didn’t even touch the part about her “feng shui needs”. (oh yeah I did… a couple days ago on like day 4 or something) While it’s certain the land-lady is a couple fries short of a happy meal, it’s uncertain whether she’s been a bitch on purpose or as a by-product. Maybe she’s on the vortex of grump. Maybe I just need to buy her a pass to the grand-people park where you can send crochety old bags to chill the fuck out. Not me, being the peacemaker that I am, I’ve done my best to reach common ground and understanding. (don’t kid yourself into thinking I’ll not bitch about it… loudly) In doing so I’ve given up some of the power I have to throw the smack down. (the tickets were sold out – I think my dad got the last one) Hopefully the reward is a harmonious solution. Because if the ride doesn’t end soon I’m gonna throw up on someone’s head, probably the dog’s. And damnit I had a really good sando for lunch.

get sars for your very own!

About Sars

I am the full time rider/conductor of the Bi-Polar Express (2.oh!) Welcome to my ride. Please keep hands and feet inside the pretty pink car at all times, for your safety of course. Rose colored glasses are not only encouraged, but required.
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