Today I found myself in a hypocritical conundrum. I found myself commenting on someone else’s way of celebrating the holidays, their holiday. Who am I really to judge how they spend their day, their money, their emotion or their energy? I’m no one. It isn’t my place to tell them what they should do. If my opinion is asked, I could share, having been given license, but really even then I shouldn’t. People don’t really want to hear you disagree with them when they ask these questions, they want to hear you say something that is similar. Unfortunately I forget that until after the mouth was open and foot firmly inserted. However, here is my outlet. I am not commenting on another person’s comment or blog and I’m not answering a question. I’m figuring I have a rant comin on that’s been pent up for a while, maybe even years.
This whole holiday thing is just frustrating the hell out of me. It’s been a few years since I’ve really wanted to celebrate it, them, anything really. The only saving grace of the whole thing is the innocence of the nephew. Though I think he’s starting to get the commercial part and not really get the other side, the giving side. This is the root of my frustration. Everything is about I want, I want. It’s not about the giving or the being together. The holiday being celebrated is of little consequence at this point because whatever religion, it is never intended that the celebration to be about a list of items you want but won’t get yourself. This is my issue is the wanting. Want, want, want. As soon as November rolls around it’s like rabid dogs come out and start drooling and biting at stuff they want.
Don’t misunderstand, I love to give gifts and frequently do. I give gifts of my time, my energy, my efforts, my talents and little things I see that remind me of someone or that I think they’ll like. I don’t need a holiday to do it. I do it because I want to. I realize this is the time of year for just that and I used to love it. I would go out and look for special things for everyone on my list – not look on the list of things, from everyone. I would spend countless hours wrapping presents and making the package as beautiful as my finding. I didn’t want thanks, I didn’t want special attention, I wanted to see that look of unexpected happiness at something just right – something they may not have thought of or had forgotten mentioning. I wanted to please others. I still want these things and once in a great while I can still have it. Those are the moments I can have holiday spirit.
I’ve decided this is it, the last time. I am boycotting the lists. I will not give or take one again. I will make holidays a celebration of family and friends. I will give from my heart because I want to, not because someone asked for something. My nephew asks Santa for things and Santa provides this good little boy with treats and delights. Thus I can provide something from my heart. I’m going to take back my holidays and the joy they once held. I haven’t done much shopping this year. Maybe I’ll start now. Maybe I’ll print then burn the lists on Solstice in celebration. Funny, I’m feeling better already.
Peace and Blessings for whatever holiday you like.
