Hey you, the one over there taking up space on the eliptical machine… Get off the fucking phone! This is the gym! Great Gus people REALLY? If your iPhone doubles as your iPod then so be it… but don’t answer the fucking thing while you are working out. How can you actually workout while gabbing away about what the kids had for lunch and what time they have to be at soccer practice. Can’t it wait for you to work out for 30 minutes and burn off some of the chub you have built up because you aren’t actually working out, you’re talking on the phone.
Now you, girl talking in text speak. Do you realize that you sound like an uneducated idiot? You are somewhere in your early 20’s (you’re in a bar, lets hope this to be true) and you can’t go three sentences without a text abbreviation for something, and you can’t go three words without saying like. WTF? STFU. Use all that money daddy just spent for good, not evil. PYHO and use some of that education to find a job somewhere. And OMG! the 80’s were the decade before you were born, not the one we’re in… send your cloths back from whence they came.
Next, little table o’ frat boys at my favorite writing spot. I don’t care if it’s Sunday Funday or Monday night Football or what-the-fuck-ever…. The servers here are awesome. Have you noticed there are only two? For the whole place (yes back room included)? So when you flag one of them down, Hey, hey, HEY!!! and then your drunk ass buddy sits there, uh, uh, uh and doesn’t know what he wants… I want to hit you, more importantly she wants to hit you (or him) because you are making it look like she sucks to all the other people waiting for their beers because your dumb ass had performance anxiety. Take notice of your surroundings man. Next time I may just call her over – hey, hey! and order a can of whoop ass for your table. She’ll probably do it too (she likes those big ass rings).
Drunk guy who happens to be sitting next to me at the pub… Thank you kindly for cutting me off and telling my awesome bartender (that I love and take good care of) that you’ve got my drink. Very sweet. The quarter you left as a tip…. NOT fucking sweet. Learn how to tip man. This is a bar, know your etiquette, tip accordingly. better yet, if you want to impress a lady… try not being a tard.
I will let this be all for now. because I could go on and on and on….. I have nice stuff, fun stuff, rainbows and kittens and heartwarming shit that makes me almost throw p in my mouth. But this had to come out first. sorry?
(in the vain of the old myspace blogs) Currently Listening to: Andrew Jackson Jihad;
Candy, Cigarettes & Cap Guns
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