Did you know there is an actual thing called a whirly-gig? yeah… its that wooden thing they stake into your lawn that has hands or feet or something that “whirl” around…. I myself thought I was a whirly-gig but it turns out I was in fact wrong.
So for this Fucksox Friday I take my cue from her Snarkness, and instead of waxing on and on about whatever.
sooo I’m pretty sure that,
…Ben Franklin was right and beer is proof that god wants us to be happy.
…no one should ever be able to wear Hypercolor again. PERIOD.
…if what doesn’t kill is supposed to make us stronger – my neighbor deserves a bigger set of biceps and a rockhard fucking ass.
…you shouldn’t walk around lookin like a whore on holloween, with your child in tow… save that shit for the adult party.
…my boss has no idea whatsoever. none. I am so overqualified that in about a week I could make her obsolete.
…love is love no matter who is giving and who is receiving. It’s sad that a piece of paper has become so fucking important.
…living in a small ass college town for the last 18 years has caused me to look at women differently and pretty much think that all of them are whoores between the age of 18 and 22.
…living in a small ass college town for the last 18 years has caused me to look at men differently and pretty much think that all of them are whoores between the age of 28 and 42.
…I hate the color yellow.
…if I hadn’t been so frightened as a child by so many bad things I would be a complete stoner.
…Bret Michaels should not be allowed anywhere near a microphone. Ever.
…I married satan’s spawn when I was 20. He left scars that still open at the most inopportune times 12 years after we got divorced.
…if I didn’t have those scars, I’d probably be an ugly person.
…fuckin Chuck Norris is a gangster and could take out Steven Segal any day.
…that I have been very recently influenced, loved and cared for by some amazing women (and men) I have never met and it has reminded me that we as humans are really basically good and become bad through our own choices.
…my cell phone has retarded me, as have calculators and computers… really. Do you know all your family member’s phone number’s by heart or have them written on paper??? that’s what I thought.
…I would love a shot of Jameson right now but also sure it would be a bad idea.
…that I have not had a mindPod shuffle the entire time I’ve been writing this list.
…Clowns are fucking SCARY!!!!!!!!!!
…there are some things you can never unsee: your parents fucking, your grandparents fucking, scatporn, the cross fucking scene from the Exorcist, some of the crap on awkward family photos and Human Centepede.
…the Abe Lincoln is the best type of beard. (I’ll shank you over this)
…Sushi, should be Japanese, Thai food should be um Thai and Chinese food should not contain msg.
…I love TOOL and think Maynard is a genius but do not want to have his babies, lick his shoes or any of the other ridiculous things I have seen people offer just to meet him. He’s a human, talented, but human. whatever.
…my mindPod smells like teen spirit.
…I love all kinds of music but cringe when Lynerd Sknyrd comes on.
…you should not get married because you are knocked up. Even if her/your dad threatens you. It rarely works.
…there is love at first sight, sometimes the least likely couples actually have it figured out.
…you man can never be too good looking, your drink can never be too strong and you can NEVER have too many shoes.