more badass than Jules

I  have the most random song in my head… I guess it’s my theme today.

“sometimes…. sometimes, bad is bad.
I stay cool as a rule, but sometimes bad is bad.”

Why fucking Huey Lewis???

I have this friend, I usually refer to her as half my OREO because standing next to her I glow in the dark. Add our MP friend and I become the center in the OREO. I’m the ass white bitch between two women who have no idea what SPF means and are determined to blend if they accidentally wake up in the congo.


see… I am ass white!

My friend sin is a total badass. She is that chick you want on your team when the zombie apocalypse comes. She will be all Tallahassee and shit and you will be standing behind her like the little bitch you are. She is a 46 year old gilf with the body of a 35 year old. Her work out regimen makes douchecanoe-frat boys bow and worship at her feet… and not just to get a better look at her DD’s, they want her secret. They want to know how she does it. Ya know what little man, it’s attitude. She just loves life. She has been dealt the worst possible hand so many times but she ended up with chips left on the the table because she is a badass. Sin works everyday with the worst humanity has to offer yet she reflects the best humanity can give.

well….. she did. Friday was her last day here. She didn’t know it and I think she’d have wanted it that way. She wouldn’t have wanted to sit around wasting time waiting for that stupid bitch to bring her a door…. She’d have hopped on her Harley and gone balls out until the sunset.

Sin had a philosiphy:

” Fear less, hope more; Whine less, breathe more; Talk less, say more; Hate less, love more; And all good things are yours.

…I’m a mother, a daughter, a sister, a grandmother, a girlfriend, a friend, a mentor a leader a local and someone everyone I know can look up too. I am proud, I am strong, I love hard and loose with dignity. I am a challenger and a supporter. I do what I believe in and I do it better than anyone else. I am here for anyone and everyone. I help those that can’t help themselves and I do it cause I can.”

This song just makes me think of her.. She loved country and dancing and country. And I can fully see her doing this.



Sin was a badass and she rocked my world. Sometimes it’s just like that, you stay cool as a rule, but when your girl is a badass, well…

posted from my tablet thingy

breathe, echoing the sound

I just want for you to be here to sit beside me.

I wish for the anxiety to be gone so my chest to relax and the shaking to stop.

I want to be held so the tears will stop and I’ll know its okay. I want the shaking to stop and I want to know its okay.

Today is a blue day.

The lenses in my glasses are blue. Not a dark kind of midnight blue but kind of a prussian blue. Seeing the world this way is very frustrating because I don’t like these glasses. They feel like I can’t take them off and change them out for my pretty pink ones. They feel like I can’t breathe. They make the little things look big and the easy things look hard and they make everything feel personal. The blue glasses put me on the roller coaster that takes me on the vortex ride and I fucking hate the vortex ride. I don’t know who designed that shit but they didn’t know what they were doing.

I try to be quiet and wait for the calm to come.

I try not to think about what I’m not doing and the mess piling up and the arguments I’m picking for no reason and the tears that I can’t stop. I can’t.

What’s to say, what’s to ask, I’ve no answer to give and even I probably don’t even want to hear the reality. So I sit and sniffle and wipe dry my tears and think about all the reasons that brought me here to this blue day. The reasons that matter and the ones that don’t.

Today is a blue day.

I just want for you to be here to sit beside me.

I wish for the anxiety to be gone so my chest to relax and the shaking to stop.

I want to be held so the tears will stop and I’ll know its okay. I want the shaking to stop and I want to know its okay.



not so much the shoes

This wasn’t supposed to be my post.

I have some funny shit about my shoes – and how I don’t have a fetish, just maybe a little issue with self control on occasion. And I’m how even though the assassin thinks wives are better than cars I think that women are actually like cars.

But no.

That is not happening right this moment. Right this moment I have the shakes and I am in tears and why???? Because someone is escaping. It isn’t me. But its someone. She’s getting out. She is leaving the dark place that couldn’t manage its way out of a wet paper sack and going to a real job. Good girl. Good luck.I am still in tears and I am smiling at the same time trying ta answer the fucking phone and be perky…. yay.

I suppose I am not biding my time well enough and not accepting their bullshit well enough and not keeping my hands to myself and I keep running with scissors. Maybe I should look a little harder and remember the things I told myself like ‘If you don’t like something…. change it.’ And maybe, I shouldn’t write my resume in sharpie.

I suppose I need to breathe and just be today….


(sorry its long, but I love it.)

bithday bs!!!

Dear Weather Control Peeps!
I will fire your asses if you do not change the forecast right now….. I expect sun and poolside cocktails for my birthday. If you want to rain, do it now, don’t wait until Saturday. I do not have a plan b. It is MY day, I should not have to. If you do not comply, you will not only feel my regular wrath but my i-am-getting-older-and-thus-frustrated & crotchety-and-don’t-need-a-good-reason violent side as well.

Thank you very kindly in advance for your prompt attention to this matter as I would like to be very mellow and most importantly war on my birthday.

 <3 sars

I promise some nice stuff next time

Hey you, the one over there taking up space on the eliptical machine… Get off the fucking phone! This is the gym! Great Gus people REALLY? If your iPhone doubles as your iPod then so be it… but don’t answer the fucking thing while you are working out. How can you actually workout while gabbing away about what the kids had for lunch and what time they have to be at soccer practice. Can’t it wait for you to work out for 30 minutes and burn off some of the chub you have built up because you aren’t actually working out, you’re talking on the phone.

Now you, girl talking in text speak. Do you realize that you sound like an uneducated idiot? You are somewhere in your early 20’s (you’re in a bar, lets hope this to be true) and you can’t go three sentences without a text abbreviation for something, and you can’t go three words without saying like. WTF? STFU. Use all that money daddy just spent for good, not evil. PYHO and use some of that education to find a job somewhere. And OMG! the 80’s were the decade before you were born, not the one we’re in… send your cloths back from whence they came.

Next, little table o’ frat boys at my favorite writing spot. I don’t care if it’s Sunday Funday or Monday night Football or what-the-fuck-ever…. The servers here are awesome. Have you noticed there are only two? For the whole place (yes back room included)? So when you flag one of them down, Hey, hey, HEY!!! and then your drunk ass buddy sits there, uh, uh, uh and doesn’t know what he wants… I want to hit you, more importantly she wants to hit you (or him) because you are making it look like she sucks to all the other people waiting for their beers because your dumb ass had performance anxiety. Take notice of your surroundings man. Next time I may just call her over – hey, hey! and order a can of whoop ass for your table. She’ll probably do it too (she likes those big ass rings).

Drunk guy who happens to be sitting next to me at the pub… Thank you kindly for cutting me off and telling my awesome bartender (that I love and take good care of) that you’ve got my drink. Very sweet. The quarter you left as a tip…. NOT fucking sweet. Learn how to tip man. This is a bar, know your etiquette, tip accordingly. better yet, if you want to impress a lady… try not being a tard.

I will let this be all for now. because I could go on and on and on….. I have nice stuff, fun stuff, rainbows and kittens and heartwarming shit that makes me almost throw p in my mouth. But this had to come out first. sorry?

(in the vain of the old myspace blogs) Currently Listening to: Andrew Jackson Jihad;
Candy, Cigarettes & Cap Guns

From Blogger Pictures