I have so much pent up shit in my head that I hardly know where to start. Well, I will start with an apology for the length that will surely be a bit longer than usual or what I’d prefer. But that’s what hapens when well… shit happens. So I will try to temper the bad with the good and keep the ranting to a minimum…
First it is Friday and I must thank Paula… Fuck You Friday‘s are the shit! Her decision to give that outlet was a brilliant gus send. I will give you a gift when I meet you someday and you can use it to intimidate the purple house from afar… then blame me! ha! I willingly accept and will write nasty letters for days. (you’ve seen my work, unleash my fury, and I owe you a pic that will make you feel better, promise)
Admittedly this week has been shit, rolled in grass and left in the sun. Okay maybe not quite that bad but you get the idea. I got kicked it the kidneys by the tax man, kneed in the face by my management, and treated with disrespect by so many that its really not funny. So much so that my anxiety kicked into high gear and I picked a fight with the man. Now we have different styles of communicating, but we are good for each other. Well, most times. Sometimes my anxiety gets the best of me and I… well I had a meltdown and pretty much just made what could have been a simple conversation about consideration, an awful arguement that never needed to be. Now granted I (in my humble and er um correct opinion) was valid, but my method was shit and lacked consideration for him (wait.. me a hypocrite, nooooo…. must have been that other sars, I would never). And as I sat thinking about it and having my best girl call me out on my bull shit (mostly pertaining to arguements with the man, not work, but really it somewhat equates to the same shit) I realize how very lucky I am.
I realized what the geeks sorta hid from the rest of us – And why they sorta hid, they were fuckin busy with less than 256k sometimes, trying to carry on multiple conversations… All these years by having friendships online. Oh, if you don’t remember 256 because you are too young to be reading this and most of the blogs linked to it… think of 256 being an old vw bug against the broadband you are used to and that would be a M5. Yeah, that shit couldn’t get out of its own way. We may have been (or are) friends with them, but the better part of us, my rough guess is 95%, don’t know about all the “chans” and “reddits” and what “digg” is or what “stumble” -was its shit now- for. And that real friendships, that have lasted years or even decades, have been formed over cyberspace and still remain.
I now understand all this. I have made my twit-a-shiv-aho nation (we will shiv you if you even fuck with us) and friends from the interwebs via this blogisphere from all over the world. Some of us will never meet but there is a bond. We care when there is family loss or bullshit or medical crap or job loss or everyday saddness just because life is some shit right then. I am certain some of us will stop writing when the need is no longer there, some of us may become actual published writers, but some of this new little circle of mine will grow as friends, real friends. I am thankful. Its these friends that have kept me laughing through some dark days. However… it wasn’t all this squishy, gushy shit that made me realize that regardless of what I was feeling this week, theanxiety, the ache, disrespect from work, lack of consideration from so many, and we haven’t even started on the fam sitch…I have so very much to be thankful for and bottom line, it’s up to me (as usual) to get the Fuck over it! People can be shitty, so, that is on them.
What actually reminded me of this was the owner of my company (crazy fuckin kiwi) passing around ‘The Giving Tree’ in order to convince oeople not to have babies. (huh??) Well first, I fucking love this book and it would never convince me not to have children, no book could do that… my childhood and wr-ex husband did that just fine thankuverymuch. I love it enough that I gave this book to my nephew when he was merely weeks old and read it too him all the time. He still calls it his special book. I’ve also given it to my brother when he was in a dark time. This book is a reminder of so much more than how much you get when you give. And today it served to remind me I need to remember why I am here and there is more to life than the self centered glass we look through everyday. We need to listen, and give to others in the way we want to be heard and given to. Funny, this book reminded me of words my love spoke to me that in the moment I took as hurtful and even mean. They are not, they are how we should treat one another. A little book a subsiquent chat with my best girl reminded me of just that…
So here it is, better late than never. No bull shit, no poems, no fucking around… I am thankful, really fucking thankful.