WOW!!! What a freeing feeling it is to shed the negativity that has plagued me for the past three and a half months (since they chopped my pay…everyone’s pay). I can’t believe how long I made it!!! (yay for drugs!!!). I don’t think I realized how much being unhappy at my job was affecting my physical well being. No more. I should know these things… we spend a full third (or more) of our lives in a box. When that box is made of walls of negativity it finds it’s way into your pores. Not anymore, not me. I am free (well, almost), just in time for my birthday. Happy Frickin Birthday to me!!!! And I’m not even scared. At this point if I had anything to lose it’s already been lost. Now on to working on finding balance, strength and renewing my faith. God knows these last months have all but shattered it.
So in quitting I wrote a very appropriate and professional (given what I do and who for) resignation letter. It was to two people specifically that I care about very much. They have been encouraging and fun to work with. The big boss has been a mentor and friend and is one of the most amazing people I’ve ever known in my life. I will miss the day to day contact we have, but I will see him often. We share a love of the ink and that is a very good thing. A brief excerpt:
Working with both of you has been my pleasure. I think I may have left months ago were it not for you and the unique relationships we have. We have been through a lot in the last year and I think that without your friendship I may not have made it this far. My overwhelming sense of connection to you is what has kept me here after losing the pres and my boss leaving. It has taken me some time to resign myself to the fact that it isn’t getting better. I’ve decided that no job is worth my health and mental well being.
I had to write the letter to them for several reasons… they are my immediate supervisors, but more importantly, I couldn’t write to ownership. I don’t think I could have figured out what to say. I would be at a loss for words given this is what was in my head:
Dear pompous, arrogant, self-absorbed, fuck-stick (stole that last one):
(oh yeah… that’s the managing partner)
I’d like to say that my time here at what I’ve come to know as “the vortex of hell” has been fun. I’d like to tell you that I’ll take many happy memories with me and that I leave here with a sense of accomplishment. I’d like to say that I leave feeling like I’ve been a part of something great and that it’s under a great cloud of sadness that I tear myself away. At one time we were a family company and we enjoyed coming to work. We appreciated one another and were sad at the idea of not working together. The truth is, in some ways I can still say all those things, but none of them apply to you.
A company is only as good as the people that make it. You are a very fortunate man in that you do not make the whole company. If you did you would have nothing more than a building full of empty promises and hot air. You walked through the doors a year ago with your carpetbag full of hopes and dreams that our futures would be bright… I suppose it’s my own fault for giving you credibility. But your mask of deceit gets thicker every day, and we all see through it’s jovial appearance. Your carpetbag is in tatters and we laugh because you think so highly of the false image you’ve created for yourself. In case you haven’t noticed the best you have in this company are leaving. This should throw up the red flag and make you realize that something is wrong and funny, it isn’t all of us.
I could go on and on but quite frankly you aren’t worth the effort. You haven’t earned enough my respect and I don’t really care to waste any more energy on you. However, I will say this (and you should really listen) money means nothing when it comes to relations between human beings. Your money will never buy you respect and it will never make you a better person. You are the one that has to answer for the broken promises and lack of ethics by which you conduct your life. We are people, not assets or “overhead”.
As for me, I’ll sleep much better knowing I no longer have give you respect you shouldn’t get simply because you were born to parents that earned something you didn’t.
another item in your loss column
Too much? Maybe I should leave it for him some weeks after I go. Regardless, I feel lighter and that’s good. It’s amazing… even my coffee tastes better.