under the bridge

Sometimes when you look at photos you remember an amazing time in your life. It’s like re-living that second in time where you were feeling, whatever it was you felt. Here it is in front of you… so vivid and alive. There are the photos that remind you of that split second that you maybe wish hadn’t been captured. The “uh-oh” moment. The “what was I thinking wearing stripes with flowers” or “holy shit I had spinach in my teeth and no one told me” moments. (or worse, but we’re not going there right now) Maybe it’s snap-shots with people you didn’t really like or someone you don’t even know is in the background of your photo.. looking like they are supposed to be there, but….. no. These are the little moments that we can use to paper our walls and give our cubicles flare. We can post them anywhere and everywhere for our friends and not-so-much friends to see. We’ve entered our cyber world of myspace and facebook and livejournal. Where you are likely to stumble across pretty much anything, the possibility of seeing photos you didn’t know existed is very real. You can stumble onto a friend of a friends page and get smacked in the face with Hilda’s Dominatrix World… But that’s not what I mean either.

Today I was reading a post and checked the poster’s page. I saw photos I wasn’t ready for. Not in a “Cheaters- Caught you on tape!” sort of way. Rather a “wow, that’s an amazing image… of two people I didn’t want to view in that way” way. I saw photos of someone I love, am in love with, will probably always be in love with. Smiling and happy, doing things he should be doing, things you do with your girlfriend. Playful in the park, holding hands, a tender embrace. They were beautiful. She is a nice person, and she made him smile. I’m not the girlfriend in the photo. I’m the one that let go, that has to deal with the consequence of that now. I’m the one to sit on this side of the page looking at photos of memories that aren’t mine. I will hold the images in my memory… it’s my nature.

There haven’t been enough rocks yet, to let go.

draw a circle around my heart

Image hosting by Photobucket
Last night I went to a show with my brother. This isn’t the first time I’ve been to a show with him, but it’s the first time we’ve made plans in advance and the first time it wasn’t going just to support a friend. We went to see Circle Takes the Square. I really like them, their music, the feel, their lyrics. They are… well, amazing, brilliant really. My brother and I have very different taste in music, but when he played this band for me I had to hear more. They take you from loud screaming crashing mania to melodic heart wrenching melody back up to the highest height then into a chant or ending in a round. Fucking brilliant.

As much as I loved seeing them live, it wasn’t the show that left me with a full heart. I watched the people around me, drank them in and took in their positive energy. And then I saw my brother. We weren’t near each other at this point as I dance in my place absorbed in my world and my own observation. He, on the other hand, dances with abandon completely taken by what he is hearing. So I watched him as I listened and moved to the music. I was in awe… I had tears in my eyes and at first I couldn’t figure out why. They just flowed down my cheeks. It wasn’t the music or anything like that… it was the sight of my brother, my best friend so passionate and free. If you knew him the passion part is easy, the free… not so much. I left the venue with raw emotions and a renewed respect (not that I’d ever lost any) for my brother.

This freedom is what I want. I want a passion that makes me dance with abandon. I want to run forward and never look back. I want more tear because of nights like this…

Image hosting by Photobucket

check out their lyrics